i live in my own world *

2006-01-12T10:28:00.000-08:00

officially moved to :

http://www.painting-a-perfect-life.blogspot.com

a new year, a new blog, a new start.
dumping all tears and sorrows of 2005 to the thrash can.

' 06.01.2006

2006-01-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

some people are just so selfish.
doing things that suit their own pleasure and not bothering how the other party feels.
how shitty people they are.

complaining again you must be thinking.
haha
my life is all about complaining about people,disliking others,about my bf,my school,my family,
what else?
kind of boring,right?
i just realised that i dont have much life of my own.
i dont dine out all the time with friends,i dont shop really that much like other girls,i dont party and drink like those party animals,i dont stay out late like those night owls.
what else?
i am really a damn boring person huh?!
poor felix,have to stuck with a boring me.
urgh
nvm,i lead a boring but happy life.
:))
contradicting again. sigh

its the time of the year soon again.
valentine's day and chinese new year !
yeah,have to do personal selling again.
all thanks to my beloved sister and beloved darling that they helped me to get through the first round of personal selling.
now,the second round,i shall try selling the products to you people out there by myself.
er,which i think its kind of tough.
haha
becos the purchasing of chinese new year's products is up tomorrow.
unless anyone can contact me by tomorrow morning and tell me what are the products they want.
nah,think its impossible.
shall forsake the chinese new year goods.
=)
that means valentine's day goods then.
any guys out there who wants to purchase flowers for their girlfriends?
you can buy for me too,you know.
lol
=P
there's bouquets and cookies for you to choose from,seen the presentation and i think the flowers are really nice and cost cheaper than those selling at the florist.
there is a 7.5% discount !!
and if your budget for valetine is about $100, then i can tell you that you be glad that i am helping you to save half of it !
average a bouquet costs around $ 40 to $60.
you can still use that remaining amount to treat your girl to some good food on valentine's day.
see, i am such good person, right?
lol
girls will love and be very happy to receive flowers on valentine's day,you know?
er,i suppose majority.
at least, i am one of those that will love to receive flowers.
haha
last valentine's day, i didnt get any flowers from him. i guess i will never receive any.
sad case,right?
that's when your bf is those kind of practical ones.
haha
does one pathetic rose that i force him to buy consider?
last valetine's day,bought a pathetic rose from an uncle on the street becos cynthia needed some baby's breathe, he paid for it,does it consider?
haha
nvm,i shall buy a bouquet for myself.
pathetic ?
nvm, i am happy.
haha
and at least on that day, i will be like other girls that hold a bouquet of roses down the street.
lol
yah,i have never been wanting to be different. i follow suit.
haha

lina asked about my new year resolution the other day when we were msn-ing.
i told her, i havent thought of any yet.
and what's the point of having resolutions that by end of the year,its all forgotten?
okie,but after much consideration,i have decided to come up with resolutions to make my year a aim-ful one.
hopefully with resolutions,i will work harder towards my goals and achieve what i want and most importantly, live life to the fullest !

here are my new year resolutions :
(well,some should say are my life-time goals,i suppose.that will never be achieved and will stick to every year's new year resolution.haha)

save more money every week, hopefully by next birthday,i can pay for my own birthday bash ! (21st birthday what !)
control my temper better.for year 2006 only.since its meant to be new year's resolution for year 2006.lol dont try to be funny with me in year 2007. okie,being lame here.
be more hardworking.yes,especially when i get back to clasical term in april.i dont want to have supp papers again and bad grades.
go wakeboarding more often. yeah,i miss wakeboarding ! that has to go back to save more money. with more money,i can go wakeboarding more often. *nod nod*
get tanned ! which i think is impossible. i can only get fairer ! try at least,maybe.
slim down !! my life-time goal. haha which girl wont want to be slim?
grow taller? haha in my dreams. this is not a resolution. its just to continue the slimming down part. ( crap ? yesh ! )
write shorter blog entries ! haha received complains about my long blog entries. isnt having long entries better for your reading pleasure? why complain? okie,i try to cut down my naggings.
spend all my free time with darling.yes,he is going into ns soon.so i will try to spend all my free time before he goes into ns.
be nicer to him.having damn harsh on him for the past year and i feel i should treat him better and treasure him more,before i lose him to some girls.
be more time-concious and punctual. haha i am the lateness queen !
be happy ! isnt that the most important thing ?

hey, i am not sticking to my resolution,shorter entry ! haha

its hard for me to change this habit,i just have so much to say and too much that goes through my mind. that was why i started a blog.to pen down my thoughts and feelings.to speak up my mind.some things are hard to be told in speech,dont you think so? i can curse and swear and complain in my blog and though i receive nasty comments but still at least this is where i can be myself and let my whatever anger or unhappiness go.

i kept hand-written diaries back in my primary and secondary days.(that's like a looooong time ago,so dont laugh) my diaries are either read by my mum or i just stop after writing for day one and maybe day 10,top. blog is somehow a new experience to me.though there are some things that we have to still keep it,becos people spread things around after reading.but at least,i do get how i feel out to my friends.if i keep talking to them like how i write,most probably they will fall asleep listening.haha.i am naggy,i admit.and blog do help me keep fond and happy memories.

haha,so much of my blog feeling.

ending school soon. i am dead beat ! but still,i am heading town for shopping !!! window shopping. lol

2006-01-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

changed my blogskin,finally.
many said the previous blog was bearly read-able.
the fonts were too tiny.
i couldnt find a blogskin that suits what my criteria,
but today,after a tedious search,i found this !!
lol
hope you guys think its alright. =P

am halfway through still with full house.
my gosh,its so addictive.
it just make you wana watch and watch non-stop.
rain's boyish charming smile that will kill you right on the spot,
this korean drama is not a typical korean serial,not those soap drama like ones,
this is a funny yet romantic show,
must watch !!

quarrelled with him again.
over ?
usual small matter.
i actually said BREAK !
i was so determined that i told him that i am going to return all the stuff he gave me.
to prove that i am not using break up to test his love for me.
hrmp
idiot ! made me cried and yet was still laughing away.
could have killed him!
lol
where bear to?
*brrr.....freezing*
friday's eating pepper lunch with him!
yeah
applied for flexi leave.becos have to tend my bro's shop.
so happy to meet him,everyday just keep looking forward to our next meeting.

saw KELVIN on the train today while on my way back home.
he's my ex-bf.
one who treats me very well and had a happy memory.
but er...dont know why ended up break.think becos there was some bitch who told me craps back then.
well,not meant to be mine.
he still look the same,still that boyish,cute face.
but now fitter,not so skinny anymore.
in ns le ma.
hee
nice to see him again. :))

got to do storyboard for the open house project.
shit
slack too much and work is piling up now.
urgh

tomorrow's another day.
18 more days to turning 20.
looking forward to celebrate my birthday with that special one.

' how i feel......

2006-01-03T23:53:00.000-08:00

first date of the year and we ended up with arguments.
about ?
jamie and some things he said.

jamie was some girl he liked in the past before he knew me.
(if you read the rest of my past entries, you might remember.)
petty me, right ?
it has been like a yr ago's matter.
and yet now, i am still raking up the past.
i know i am super petty and bear grudges. but i really cant help thinking about how nice he treated her and waited for her in the past and especially that when she has a bf.
why i have to see those messages she sent him? why do i have such itchy hands?
if i know nothing and found out nothing,most probably i wont be like this now.
i felt like i was some kind of replacement to him.
becos back then, she had a bf.
u know, like felix couldnt be with her, so he came to me, those kind of feeling,its like i am a sub for her kind of feeling.
urgh
i cant really tell you how i feel.
you may think i am just making a big fuss over nothing,
but you are not me.
the way i feel may not be the way you feel.
sigh
i didnt know about her until we were together.
okie, i think i've repeated too much on this topic.over and over.
but i cant,i cant forget.i cant let this matter go.
it kept haunting me.
i know, in the beginning of this relationship, none of us was serious.
no one thought we would last this long.
and both of us didnt like each other that much,maybe it could be just a crush.
after all,we started knowing nuts about each other when we begin.
i know,he still has a place of her in his heart back then,
it was only as time goes by, then he realised i was nice to him and his feelings deepen.
if i know he liked her still that time, he has someone he likes,i wouldnt have started this relationship.
maybe i will wait till we know each other better.
but now, we've been together for a year plus,
its too late to say about "if-i-know" .
although,this jamie matter have long put behind the back of our minds,
but still its like a thorn in my flesh still.
when i talked to him about it yesterday,
he said he didnt contact her anymore,
i really hope so.
her picture is still in the phone,
as a momento?
just a friend,he said.
but does he know i feel jealous?
so what if its a friend?
if i have a picture of another guy in my hp, how would he feel ?
especially a guy i like before.
whatever,that picture will always be inside his phone.
he wont remove it,i can bet with you.
if he will do it for me,he would have done it long ago.
maybe she's special still to him.
sigh
no one knows,only he knows how he feel.
he can tell me a million times that she is just a friend,but whoever she is to him,only he knows in his heart.
if he wants to lie,then let it be.i cant do anything.
sigh
you know what?
i hate it most when he compare me and her, saying i took more pictures than she did with his phone.
oh..so i am just like her,a friend to him?
yah,maybe i am just no one special, no difference between me and her.
urgh
i am not a "broad-minded" person.
get this clear ! i am a petty piece of shit !
urgh
okie, i wont talk to him about it anymore.i wont bring this matter up again.
i will try to control myself.
becos it will still end up the same. same answer and same irritated reaction.
same picture in that same phone.
sigh

he kind of pissed me off with some of his words.
maybe i just cant take joke.
but i dont see the joke at all.

i was shopping around fas east with him...
i saw lots of things that catches my attention....

okie, the conversation goes as below:

felix: you can buy all the things ah.
if you have money.

min: lao gong, where's my shopping allowance? ( in a very sha jiao tone)

felix: wo men hai mei jie hun. (we're not married yet!)

well, i know its nothing.
but the words, we are not married yet was just like punch in my guts.
we're not married yet, so no point calling him my hubby,right?
we're not married yet,so maybe i should look around for more choices before deciding who is the one for me.
we're not married yet,so maybe i shouldnt put in all my heart into this relationship.
i know i was making a fuss over it.
but its like....i dont know what to say.maybe i just cant take jokes.

nvm.forget it.since its all past.
i am so afraid that my naggings,my unresonable-ness will drive him away,fading his feelings for me.
if i lose him,i really will not be able to continue being myself.
once,he told me,he really am very sick of my insecurities,
its that he has feelings for me still that he didnt say anything.
i told him i'll change but guess its hard to change,this is me.
i am an insecure girl.

looking at many cases of betrayal,family break-ups,
i have no confident in giving my heart to anyone.
well,i have no right in giving myself such an excuse.
but really, i dont want to be like my mum.
its really painful that when the one you love lie to you and have another girl in his heart other than you.
i have been hurted once very deeply.
till now,the scar is still deeply in my heart.
sigh

marriage seems so far for me and him,yet i kept talking about it to him.
i know i wont be his wife.never will i be.
future seems so dark for me and him.
my sister told me not to put all my heart in.she didnt see a future for me and him either.
many nasty comments they had about him.
but to me,i dont blame them.
they dont know him well at all.
i know they are just being concerned and worried that i will be blinded by love, a moment of passion.
i know that they are being realistic and i fantasized too much about fairy-tale like love.
maybe its time i should be clear-headed and start to think practically and not daydreaming anymore.
sigh

i just want him to know,know how i feel.
i know its not an excuse for me to throw my temper at him.
i am sorry.i will change.
i am just afraid of losing him,but if i continue this way,i bet i will lose even more.
i will try try try to control myself.

pray hard i can do it.
pray that he will listen to what i am saying deep inside my heart.
pray hard i wont have to let him go.

contradicting and spouting nonsense me.

hope this dark period will go past soon.

2006-01-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

back to school again.

first day back in school of the year.

got to do the open house flash thingy.
shit
i thought no more group project, but i was wrong.
i am going to be the useless one again.

school's been an enjoyable one todae.
had a happy lunch today with the girls and a guy.
had a great time laughing our hearts out.
hengleng is so so so CUTE !!
her actions are still so funny.
oh, talked about the coconut-head guy in BPOS.
went up to the BPOS room to check that guy out, gosh, he never disappoint me at all.
haha
real nerd.
shh....shall stop critising people.i aint that good myself.

no one really did noticed i bleached my hair.
well, wasnt that obvious after all,i guess.
but to me, its the " lightest" hair i have all my life.
er....is it ?
haha
my hair was never able to get the colour on becos my hair colour is just simply too dark.
u know, those real black kind of hair ?
my brother did a real good job about my hair.
he was so into watching the maid that he totally forgotten about my hair that day.
i thought my hair will be absolutely light, you know.
was kind of pissed with.
but it turned out not bad.not exactly light.
yeah
i love my hair !!
lol

todae's leaving earlier. shhh....
sneaking out the room.hoping not to be discovered.
hee
meeting felix later to go town.
my brother's out of town to get supply for his shop, so i got to take up the job of supervising his new employee.

felix bought me the new square cut jeans.
yeah !
last saturday, this fellow scared me by asking me to reach great world by 8.30 pm(we planned to meet at 9).
he said he has something to show me.
i thought what......
then when i reached, he asked me to try 2 pairs of jeans.
post christmas present i guess.
lol
last month, he was on tight budget, so we decided not to give each other christmas presents.
see, he dote on me so much.
:))

i am so happy that i have found a good bf like felix.
he really dote on me very much, well, to the extent that i think he spoilts me.
each time, i told him not to spoilt me, he will say, i am his dear and if he dont pamper, who he will pamper.(something like that lah)
he once told me that to make me xing fu is his responsibility.
gosh. i could have melted right in front of him.
he's really sweet. really super sweet.
i am not going to leave him.
no matter what happens, i know we both need each other.
i am going to hold on to him till the day he says he has no feelings for me.

i love my life now. :))

' bleached hair !

2006-01-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

bleached my hair. think i look terrible.
i look so pale, becos of my hair colour now.

urgh

had a horror movie marathon today.
watched shutter and the maid.
disgustingly frightening.
i mean the shutter.
the maid sucks. it was quite scary at first.
the writer wanted to make a twist in the story but i guess he failed terribly.

tomorrow's another lousy day. =(

' happy 2006

2006-01-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !!

and also a HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO JUN WEN !!

a fresh year, a fresh beginning.
do hope everyone will have a happy happy year ahead.

p/s: i miss you.....

' last day of 2005

2005-12-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR LITTLE BABY,JIEYING !!

gurl, finally 18 le ah. gt license to go chiong le worz.
hope you will enjoy your day and may all your wishes come true.
love you always !

every last day of the year, thoughts of him will just flash through my mind.
remembered how i celebrated his birthday for him when i was in secondary 2.
first love, so sweet. memories so fond.
till today, sometimes, i will still think of him.
but i have let him go already. i dont feel like how i felt in the past.
not wanting him back anymore. becos i know he is happier now with his girl.
i hurted him too badly before. maybe we just met at the wrong time of our lives.
i am glad and happy ehough to have him back now as a friend.
i wonder if i didnt do all those things that hurt him, will we be together still ?
its all past. i am no longer the min he knows. and he is no longer the wen i know.
we've changed and grown up.
and most importantly, we have now found our true loves.
i am happy for him, really do.
just hope he and his gf will last long and waiting for his invitation to his wedding.
haha
although he has been replaced by felix in my heart now, still he has this very special place in my memory that will never be erased.
first love is always hard to forget, isnt it ?

last day of the year, and many people will reflect on what they have done in the year.i am not excluded too. i too reflected and found that year 2005 had been an not-too-good-but-not-bad year for me.

happy that i have achieved what i have always wanted.

managed to get through year 2 semester one without supp papers ! yeah, first time in my 1 and 1/2 years in nyp. i was just lucky. because i didnt study much for the papers.
went to genting with darling and his friends. yah,first out-of-town trip with him.to face him for 24/3 was such a nice thing.also my first sleepover at his house.afraid and i am not going to sleep with him again.he blooody hell squashed me up and pushed to the corner,not giving me any space to sleep.urgh
went to hong kong.shopping shopping and more shopping ! went to disneyland. mickey mickey and more mickey ! bringing back fond memories of childhood days. bonding time with the family. nicceee....
knew more friends through tep. especially the bd girls. great people they are.
finally went to sentosa with the 6th sense after many attempts to during the 2 months holidays,though yvonne goh and heng leng was missing, still had a good gang bonding session.
celebrated my nieece's first birthday !
celebrated first anniversary with darling. stablise the relationship and going on stronger than before.
darling finally came to visit my "parents", having him involved in family gatherings made me felt he is the one and like as if we are married ! isnt it nice?

though there were many unhappy events like almost breaking up with darling and meeting some bitches, still, 2005 have been a great year to me.

all becos throughout the year, i was loved by this little stinky piggy of mine.

he made 2005 special to me.

thanks darling, i love you.

hope 2006 will be a great one as well. :))

2005-12-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

what a day.

i am still struggling with my flash stuff.
i know i am the slowest in the group, i cant do anything right,
but please, stop rubbing salt into my wound.
i dont just SAY i am guilty for not contributing a part in the project,
i really do FEEL guilty.
sarcastic piece of shit you !
whatever, god knows i am trying.

i will prove it !

back home as a maid again.
hardly able to have a good dinner.
had to run up and down to look after that little monsters.
lost my appetite, my stomach kind of hurts.
had to gobble up all my food, wash the dishes and got scolded.
she said " where are you rushing to ? cant you see the basin is choked ? "
excuse me, your husband wants me to look after that 2 kids of yours.
he asked me to move FAST,FAST and FAST.
becos he has to go out and you are freaking doing your own stuff.

i hate being the babysitter.
that 2 monsters drive me to my grave.

urgh

i am always the last to shower, and always get scolded for being in the shower for a long time.

HELLO !!

even showering also must be scolded, what the fuck is this ???

whatever.

all becos this is NOT MY HOUSE !
its theirs.
i hate coming back home.

i dont want to talk much about it.
it will be a super damn long entry.

all worn out,
it hasnt been a good week for me.

' thinking of him

2005-12-29T17:55:00.000-08:00

thinking of him right now......

missing him every minute and every second of the day.
wish that he is by my side all the time.....

' narnia's photo shots

2005-12-28T16:59:00.000-08:00

cold chilly NARNIA. all thanks to the freaky white witch ! they havent been celebrating christmas for a hundred years. poor them !

the sons of ADAM and daughters of EVE, which means HUMAN.

the cutie forn ! mr thomas. so cute,isnt he ? i was still arguing with darling, if he's the good one or bad one.

lol

' ful house

2005-12-28T16:43:00.000-08:00

FULL HOUSE is so nice. RAIN is so CUTE !! halfway through the series. going home to watch again. so addicted to it !

so romantic, if i ever meet a guy like him, think i will stuck to him like a leech !!

lol

' me again

2005-12-28T13:54:00.000-08:00

insisted in taking the train instead of taking cabby today.
have been taking cabby for dont know how long,
got a BIG BIG hole burnt in my pocket le.

sob

from tomorrow onwards, must wake up early,
cannot be late anymore.

nod nod

wonder how much money i can accumulate from all the taxi fares.
if i save all the money up, i bet i am so super flithy rich now.

lol

watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe yesterday with darling.
nice show wor !!

i give it 4 out of 5 stars.

i cant tell you how nice it is, just go watch it,okie?
its worth the price of the ticket.

today's darling coming to school to come pick me up.
happy,happy,SUPER HAPPY now.
can hug him again le.
tonight i am bringing him back for dinner.
:))

watching full house now.
later then blog again bah.

=P

' 30 things bout FELIX

2005-12-27T23:28:00.000-08:00

30 things about

1. he's very quiet. on the outside.

but actuallie he is super noisy !!!

lol

2. he's very crappy. always talk crap with me.

3. he's always tired. well, cant blame him totally, he has got to work. but it seems he is always tired when he is with ME ! with his friends, he's so energetic !!

4. he's a lazy bum. always lazy to do this and that. but never lazy to accompany me.

5. he's a hard-core smoker. never keep his promise to cut down on smoking.not only to me but also his other GIRLFRIEND !

hrmp

6. he doesnt like to watch horror movie. that is why, we only watched 2 horror movies together since day 1 - infection and white noise.

7. he has natural curls.

8. he looks like his daddy !!
very much alike.can tell how he will look like in the next 10 years. haha

9. he cant see without his specs.

10. he has 5 ex girlfriends.

hope i am his last girlfriend. * blushz*

11. he likes salmon.

12. he doesnt eat YOSHINOYA.

13. he always drink minestrone soup when he goes to mos burger.

14. he's not romantic.

15. he doesnt know how to coax a girl.

16. he's not sensitive to a girl's needs.

17. but he never fail to do things that will melt a girl's heart.

18. he's sweet, like hunny !

only to me ah !

19. he always go to the arcade whenever he has to wait for me.

20. he plays soccer and billard with his friends.

21. he always squash me when we sleep on the same bed.

22. he will never forget important dates. under frequent reminder.

lol

23. he's a good boyfriend.

24. he's a good friend.

25. he dont talk about his problems and often keep them to himself.

26. he's easily jealous. but he wont tell.

27. he's actually a naughty BIG BOY.

28. he needs music to accompany him to sleep.

29. he dont drink. but he smokes and gambles. i dont know if he womanize.

lol

30. he's MY HUBBY !!!

got a forwarded mail. it says pass round and write 30 things about the special one of yours to see if you really know that special one of yours.

i didnt forward the mail but i thought its nice to write down 30 things about what i know of FELIX CHEW, my that special one.

haha

i dont think i really know him that well after all when i wrote down the 30 things.

sob

but nvm, we have many more years to know one another.

:))

2005-12-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

finally back to school.
had a long long weekend.

let us review what i have done during the holidays:

24th december

nothing special,went town to meet darling.
ate dinner at cineleisure's food court.
becos he said there wont be seats at the restuarants.
shopped around awhile and headed back to his house.
stayed till around 1 plus then went home.

25th december

woke up in the late afternoon.
met elvin at bb, around his house area for lunch.
he gave me a pair of chip and dale soft toy.
so cute.
he said he read from my blog that chip and dale is my latest craze.
aw...such a sweet guy.
met my sis and bro later in the evening to go to a master's house at tampines.
er...that master said something bout me and some bout my love life at the moment.
abit discouraging.
but nvm, i wont let what he said come true.
i believe in darling.

:))

26th december

HAPPY BOXING DAY !!

met up with friends again. jeremy and lina.
very long never see these 2 pieces of shit.
lol
went to west mall for awhile.
then went home.
abit boring.

yeah, these are what i have done over the LONG weekend !
basically, NOTHING !!

lol

' shoes

2005-12-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

that pair of shoes that made me suffer for the whole damn day.

' all i want for xmas

2005-12-25T15:49:00.000-08:00

yesh, all i want for christmas is YOU !

FELIX CHEW, you are the best present from dear santa !

i love you !

' merry christmas

2005-12-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all.

darling,

though we did nothing much for this year's christmas like last year,
(its kind of like a complain.lol)
but still, i am happy that you are by my side on this special day.
your presence is more precious than any gems or jewels.

thanks for being mine.

hope next year, we be able to celebrate this special day together again.
looking forward.

i love you with all my HEART .

' king kong 1

2005-12-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

king kong is such a GREAT GREAT movie. so touching and so exciting. those who havent watched it, go GO GO catch it ! its really worth all the price that it takes, and i mean even if it takes to control your bursting bladder and getting aching ass after the 3 hrs show.

oh my gosh. JACK and ANN. hunk and babe. isnt this enough to be another good reason for you to watch the show ?

lol

' pre-christmas celebration

2005-12-23T23:36:00.000-08:00

todae was a bad bad day for me.
shant talk much bout it, since its all over.

sorry girls, for standing up on you girls and a guy.
lol
hope you guys had fun. :))

end of first week at eldc.

*relieved*

finally manged to survive the first week.

well, kind of slack,really.
everyday,i just blog,watch movie,listen to songs and chat on msn.

lol

but what really stress me up is FLASH !!

esp everybody in the room is so pro in flash.
and the only lousy one is me.

sob

anyone can teach me flash ???

well, every one in da room was easy-going and nice.

of course lah, know them before we came to eldc ma.

lol

but really lah, all of them are super funny and noisy.

lol

esp the bunch of guys behind me.
they are very very crappy and funny.
but they are also very perverted.

really think they are fun to be with and that the rest of the 8 weeks will be super fun.
:))

tomorrow's christmas eve already.
his present is not done yet.

sigh

most probably no gift exchange this christmas.
becos both of us are on tight tight budget now.

=(

but nvm, its not the present that matters,
its the presence of him that matter most to me....

hope this christmas will be a memorable one for me and him....

2005-12-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

i am so fucking pissed today.

everything just dont go right for me.

it was supposed to be a happy day,
yet why do you bother so much bout my SHOES ?

okie, i have to admit that i am the kind of person who really mind what people think about ME.
maybe that's why i was so pissed.
if i could ignore and shove their comments off.....

there was SO many people stared at my bloody shoes and started whispering.
i am not sensitive, they did it so obviously.
i dont know what are their comments,
but it just annoyed me. very much.

i am actually not someone who will opt to be noticed. i am not those kind of "adventurous" sort that will try out new style and be unique.
you know those kind of girls in town that dresses damn freaking.....different?

today i did something which i dont usually do.

this pair of shoes was that pair of boots that my brother insisted that i should buy in hongkong. as i had never wore them before,my sister suggested that i ought to wear them today,becos i am heading town after school.
and also becos my bro said if i dont wear them, he is going to take them back and sell in his shop.
i dont bear to let this pair of "looks-cute-but-dont-look-too-good-on-me" pair of shoes to go.

in the end, i wore them !

seriously, i am ALREADY very uncomfortable bout wearing this pair of shoes,
i started to regret the moment i step out of the house,
but i had no chance to go back to change as i am already xtremely late for school.

i knew there bound to be many many people commenting on it.

i knew it.

i thought i could handle all the bad comments.

little did i know, i was so affected by them.

especially that fucker who said i look like a damn RETARD in them.
i already knew he would said that when i saw him walking towards me,
i tried not to listen.
but no, i heard.

its not funny ! you mother fucker, son of a bitch !

cool

keep your bloody comment to yourself, think you look damn fucking cool in your ns boots and uniform? think you look good when you dress to school? you look damn fucking like an canteen uncle than a student. OLD MAN !
you aint cool at all. you aint popular at all.

oh my gosh, i am exploding right now.

okie, forget it.
i SWEAR i am going to bloody ignore him from now,this very second onwards.

pray that i dont group with him for projects when classical term starts.

he always say he doesnt want to group with us becos we are a bunch of slackers.

him?

my god, i am not going to say anymore, it will be a damn super long entry.

I HATE HIM !!!

MOTHER FUCKER !

urgh

okie, stop. he's not worth for me to be cursing and swearing for.

in case, you dont know who he is, he is someone you dont want to know,especially girls.
beware of him.
guys, he's a bad company. a fucking "big-hole" person.

urgh

i am sorry, esther.
i know you dont mean anything and is giving me a frank comment bout the shoes.
i was irritated not becos of your comment.
i am just so pissed bout what others said and i thought you would console me.
that was why,i was so upset.
sorry.

"emo-period" on again.
yes, its that time of the month again.
so please stop annoying me and get lost !

watching king kong with darling later.
so happy. becos can hug him again.
know what to get for him for christmas already.
not something that is about MONEY, but the thought.
hope he'll like it.

:))

gotta do my flash and rush to town to meet him.

2005-12-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

cookies,
today i am going home with bags of cookies.
you may come rob my cookies, and i wont least mind bout it.
i will thank you in return for lightening my bloody burden.

haha

regret man, i should have asked my sis to buy just one or two boxes of cookies and not ten.
initially, i was still afraid of not being able to hit the quota,
that's why i pleaded my sis to buy more.

i am so glad she helped me by buying over hundred plus worth of cookies,
but now i have to go home with bags and bags of cookies.

sob

how?? can anyone help carry them home?

lol

i sound like a spoilt bimbo.

yucks

i am craving for COKE now.
i have been drinking cups and bottles of COKE for these few days.
and i am craving for more right now.

meeting darling tomorrow,
supposedly to meet on monday to celebrate post christmas,
but mon he couldnt get off.
maybe bringing him for the christmas dinner tomorrow evening.

havent buy his present, also dont know what to buy.

sigh

think this year's christmas, we are not buying gifts for one another.
tight budget.

sob

i didnt help much in doing the flash for our group.
shit
i really cant do !
i shall learn !!

heading home soon.....

2005-12-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

4 more days to CHRISTMAS,
31 more days to my 20th BIRTHDAY,
78 days to HIS 20th BIRTHDAY.

counting down to all the special days.
to spend with him.

he's going to ns soon.
hopefully after his birthday.

so we can celebrate together.

today was indeed another nice day with him.

headed town after school,met him and went to taka to take his time sheet and to see his that LEVIS JACKET.
it was a black jacket with a design at the back.
nice. really very cool.
there is a similar one for ladies. brown in colour.
also very nice.
but now i budget neh. so maybe gotta wait till i got the money.

anyone wana buy for me as birthday present ?

lol

saw KEITH !!
my very good buddy back in secondary school days.
both of us always got caught for chatting in class by that sotong.

lol

had great fun with him back then,
oh and also with dawn, cai wen, yan xi, ng yong,li hwa and derek.
kinda miss those days.
kinda miss them.
wonder how they are now.

went to IMM after town, wanting to buy a dvd recorder for his mum.
but giant dont carry them anymore and best denki's are way over his budget.
can tell he's kind of disappointed.

had dinner at the kopitiam in IMM.
ordered kebad rice and korean noodles.
i was so hungry and had gastric pain.
felt like puking all the time.

urgh

maybe too much of coke.maybe was over-hungry.

dont know why, these few days i have an extreme crave for COKE and FRIED STUFF.

shit

goanna put on lots of weight soon.very.

tomorrow's another shitty day.
back to school and head home after that.

boring !

2005-12-21T16:49:00.000-08:00

urgh

sitting among a bunch of guys i dont really know.
its kinda like HELL !!

hopefully, as time goes by, hope i can get know them by end of 9 weeks.
they seem like nice guys.

just hope that they wont think i am like a bitchy aunty that keeps bitching and gossiping bout their " admirers " .

trying to do flash now.
have to do e-resume and the group work, by this friday.

fuck

i dont even know the basic stuff, how to ?

urgh

i thought this stopover would be a good one.
little did i know that its such stressful one.

can someone help me with flash ?

meeting darling lata.
he's going to buy his LEVIS JACKET.

hmm...what should i get for his christmas then?

*think*

i kinda hate my life now.
i wana get back to BD.

*sobz*

2005-12-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

today's the day that i will never forget.

a day that marks the new beginning of our relationship.
we've brought our relationship to new level.
moving on even stronger than we used to be.
now, my heart only belongs to only him and never will anyone replace him.
i dont know why, i just felt that somehow our bond just became closer and stronger,
its nice.
really, feeling very happy to be so close with him.

spent my day with him.

went to take mc in the morning.
guess what?
that bloody doctor found out my "trick",
but in the end, she still gave me my mc.

lol

then rush to buy mac breakfast for him, head to his house after that.
stayed at his home whole day, except to go to the coffeeshop to buy his ciggy and lunch.
went back to my house for dinner.

what a day. a wonderful day.

hee

nobody else, just both of us. that is what i always wanted.

darling did something sweet. though not anything BIG but was his sincereity that melts me.

i was craving for coke after dinner but my bro in law didnt like the idea of me going out so late.
in the end, darling went to pioneer mall on his own and went to get me my macdonald's coke.
he also bought 2 more bottles of coke for me just in case i crave for more.
then he bought chocolates for me and put $ 20 into the plastic bag.
he was afraid i not enough money to use.

oh my gosh.
isnt he sweet?

thanks darling.

tomorrow got school again.
meeting him after that.
happy day again.

:))

' sorry

2005-12-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

i just cant be angry with him for long.

whenever i see him, i'll just forget what happened before.
like we have never argued or quarrelled before.

yesterday, i went to great wrld to pick him up after work.
for the first time, he ended later than 10 pm.
went home together, so sweetly.

that ended the few days' of unhappiness.

darling,

i should have been more understanding.
i should understand that your work is also stressing you out.
but i did not.
all becos you didnt message me as often as you used to and i start to make a fuss out of it.
i said those hurtful words to you.
i said ended just to spite you.

i dont mean to.
i am lonely.
maybe i am just too dependent on you.

i am sorry for everything.
shall we start afresh?
i promise i wont be so unreasonable again.
i promise i will be more understanding.

i really love you and i wont bear to let you slip off from my side.

2005-12-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

work work work.

your life now is all about work.

me?

last on the list.

i am so lonely.

i try to be understanding.
if i can.

i am just so unreasonable.

urgh

' to you

2005-12-16T01:05:00.000-08:00

should it end or should we choose to live with it, pretending nothing has happened ?
should we just let the problem stay as it has always been ?

i dont know.

i really dont know.

i just want to talk, i just want you to listen,i just want you to tell me how you feel, i just want you to know how i feel.

but no.

i hate arguing though messages, cant you even pick up the phone and talk ?

forget it.

i am dead now, numb.
the problem will never be solved and will always be a barrier to our relationship.

i dont know....

the future seems darker than ever....

' so sad ....

2005-12-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

cant you feel that we have drifted apart and have lesser and lesser things to talk about ?

dont you realised that i am the one that is always talking ?
i am starting to feel tired.

maybe your work is really really busy lately.

okie, i know in the end it will be my fault again if we are going to argue about it.

let it be.

i have a feeling that things are just going to be so different for us.
it wont be the same.

2005-12-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

had pizza for lunch.

slurp

tried the bbq chicken supreme and aloha pizza.

still prefer the bbq chicken supreme more, the aloha one is too...filling with all the stuff crust.

had a fun time with the bunch of crazy bd girls.
bitch around and gossip.

sure going to miss the days without them.
never expected to build such strong friendship with them.
i thought i be alone for the past 9 weeks.
but no, i have found myself with new lovely friends.
sin ee, brenda,amrath and wan yen.
they are really cute and nice !!
though we are going to ELDC together for the next stopover but we all might not be in the same team, means that the time we spent together will decrease, my gosh...
i am sure to miss them alot.
hope my new stopover will have lovely people like them.

cross my fingers

as usual, i was late for school today.

urgh

but since its the 2nd last day at BD, no one really bother bout what time we come.

lol

next stopover must be early and be punctual.

nod nod

today morning met jeremy while i was on my way to school.
oohh....
he became more handsome than ever.

lol

he actuallie accompanied me to yck mrt while his school's at dover.
crazy nuts.
kept talking non-stop on the way, updating one another with each other's life.
then he asked for my number, saying that we should be contacting each other again.

er.... anyway thanks for accompanying me to school. hope you werent too late for school.

haha

well, school's ending soon.
hate to head back to that bloody place.

urgh

' to you

2005-12-15T00:11:00.000-08:00

maybe an end will be best for both of us.

i am really sick and tired of arguments and quarrels.
especially arguing through messages.

why cant you bother to call me and talk about the problem ?

no, never.

you didnt even ask what was my problem and why did i get so upset about it.

i dont know what to say anymore.
up to you.

' bd gurls

2005-12-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

MARIE ! i love this photo's effect. blurrrr......nice !

BETTY !! i told her to act more natural, so did she pass ?

hee

shot and being shot.

lol

haiyo, that pretty babe again...i am so jealous of her !!

hrmp

lol

' BD 2

2005-12-15T00:02:00.000-08:00

DOLLY and MARIE !!

RACHEL and BETTY !

MARIE and RACHEL !!

BETTY and DOLLY !!

memories are so fond.

friendship that will never end.

' field trip

2005-12-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

MARIE !! nowadays even maids get to paint their nails with so many colours. to protect her privacy, we have her face covered !

lol

the pretty pretty AMRATH. the camera loves her, she is just so like a model.

CHUA SIN EE BETTY !!

haha

please call her BETTY the next time you see her, okie?

me !! taken by BRENDA, thanks for that nice shot, MARIE !

lol

photos taken on the train to town, last field trip of the BD team.

sob

cant bear to leave BD.

2005-12-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

i am married !!
( well, at least i feel like i am married. lol )
to a wonderful guy.

i love him so so so muchie !

' my ring

2005-12-13T23:58:00.000-08:00

my little surprise from my little special one.

i love it and will never take it off, only till the day when this love dies.

thanks darling for the ring.

i really like it very very much.

i promise this time round i wont lose it,okie ?
if i do, you can kill me.

lol

if you ever bear to......

* brrrr....so cold*

lol

' happy anniversary !

2005-12-13T23:28:00.000-08:00

i love the surprise very very very much !

i love the dinner very very very very much !

but guess what ?

i love you most, more than anything else in the world !

HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY to my dearest FELIX !

' bored !! so lonely

2005-12-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

spent the afternoon doing up my blog and scanning in the photos i have collected back from darling.

went to dolliecrave and found many nice glitter icons.
ooohh....nicee !!

popped by at darling's workplace to give him a surprise !
didnt have dinner with him becos his colleague...er...went back camp,
the shop was left with him and his supervisor only,
so darling cant have dinner outside the shop.

i wanted to see him so much,so i decided to drop by great wrld before heading to PS to buy things.

went to PS spotlight alone.
wanting to buy something.
secret.
shall find out about it after tuesday.

haha

town was filled with many many people.
was so damn crowded.
so filled with festive season mood.
walked from PS to Heeren, then to Cineleisure, ALONE !
feeling kinda lonely, especially when i saw couples holding hands together.
i miss him.
it was supposed to be a weekend to be spent with my loved one,but here i am, alone !
can you believe it ?

sob

how i wish darling's with me now.

after that went to meet my brother to head down to SGH.

got home at 8 plus.

personal report and personal selling report not done yet.

sianz ! gotta hurry.

' chip and dale

2005-12-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

cute aren't they ?
i am so in love with chip and dale !!

aww.......

' saturday

2005-12-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

yes, its the weekend again.

should i feel happy or sad ?
i dont know.

love the weekend becos i dont need to wake up early and get my bum off to the fucking school.

hate the weekend becos it means i get to stay at home longer and means i have to face that fellow longer.

urgh

i hate naggings.
get off my back !

i hate him and i really really do.

today cant go pick darling up.
actually i wanted to, but then something happened at home and its a big serious thingy.

sigh

but still i will go meet him for dinner.
so what if its for the only an hour ?
i am contented still to see him and be with him.

smile

tuesday's a special day for us.
looking forward to it.

' isnt it cute ??

2005-12-08T23:32:00.000-08:00

had a wonderful evening with darling.

*smile*

he is so so so sweet !

i love him so much !!

naughty darling.
you know why i call you that.
haha
made me said something i dont want to.
hee
i want ..........
our little secret.
shhhh.....

got my photos for the hong kong and the sentosa trip with esther and gang.
nice.
shall scan in someday.

*smile*

going on field trip tomorrow.

yeah

what a wonderful day.
lol

' boredom !

2005-12-08T17:28:00.000-08:00

yes, whole day of blogging and quizzes.

slacking whole day long.

shit.

gotta do lotsa stuff when i get back home.

darling's coming later.
*smile widely*

i love him !!

' hong kong again !

2005-12-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

enterance tickets to hong kong disneyland. cute arent' they ? ooohh.....

for myself !! got him something similar but i bet he dont like it. anyway,he can keep it as some momento.

boots !! high cuts !! the trend in hong kong. 8 outta 10 girls wear boots or high cuts. i got myself a pair. my brother insisted that i should get one too. when will i get the chance to wear them ? hmmm....

eeyore and minnie !! winter edition. nice ? they are the new comers on my bed !

someday i guess i should change my queen sized bed to a king sized one. my collection of stuffed toys on the bed is increasing non-stop.

haha

' have i got him hooked up??

2005-12-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

You Have Him Totally Hooked

Your guy is all yours - and happily so.He loves being around you, and he totally sees you as a couple.It looks like you two have a great future together - if you want it!

Do You Have Him Hooked?

' what is my reputation ??

2005-12-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

Your Reputation Is: Maneater

You're the kind of girl all the chicks hate...And guys are both scared of you yet strangely drawn in.

What's" Your Reputation?

' what kinda chocolate am i ?

2005-12-08T15:00:00.000-08:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

lol

guess what ?

my favourite flavour of chocolate is MILK CHOCOLATE !!

er....am i what i love to eat ?

hmmm.....

' ice cream

2005-12-08T14:51:00.000-08:00

haha

darling's KARAMEL SUTRA flavoured ben and jerry ice cream.
yesh, sweet like he is.
i am stuck with him now and always.

mine is CHUBBY HUBBY flavour.
hmmm.....how does it taste ??
er....
who cares, i bet its sweet too.

*wink*

' me !!

2005-12-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

You Are Chubby Hubby Ice Cream

So there's more of you to love... a whole lot more!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

' he is karamel flavoured ice-cream

2005-12-08T14:46:00.000-08:00

You Are Karamel Sutra

Plain on the outside, but once someone gets in, they're stuck

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

' who am i in the past life ?

2005-12-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Obese Alchemist.
Where You Lived: Thailand.
How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

' my fashion style

2005-12-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

Your Fashion Style is Sporty

You're a natural beauty who doesn't need fancy clothes to look goodYou prefer your clothes to be comfortable, so you can stay on the goFor you, femininity is not how you wear - but how you wear it.Still, don't be afraid to show off that great body in a dress or skirt!

What's" Your Fashion Style?

' what do men see in me??

2005-12-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensualYou're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys inYou are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggagePacking light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

' am i a diva ??

2005-12-08T12:54:00.000-08:00

You Aren't A Diva

You don't like to cause a fuss or draw attention to yourself.You're easygoing, and you can even put up from diva behavior from others.This makes you everyone's favorite trusty companion.But watch out - it could also make you their favorite dormat.

Are You a Diva?

' the keys to my heart

2005-12-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

' my damn jap name

2005-12-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

Your Japanese Name Is...

Takara Shijo

What's" your Japanese Name?

' what does my birth date mean ??

2005-12-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

Your Birthdate: January 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated.You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way.People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little.Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know.
Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true
Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid
Your power color: Silver
Your power symbol: Square
Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

' am i scary ???

2005-12-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

' my birth month

2005-12-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.
Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona
Your gemstone: Garnet
Your flower: Snowdrop
Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

' 360th day

2005-12-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

CHICKEN LITTLE is FANTASTIC !!!

a nice show. at least for kids and those who appreciate cartoons.

it is so damn funny and it teaches " parenting ".
it tells us that communication is important between parents and child.
and that parents should always believe your kids,
show them support all the time,whether are they an embarassment or whatsoever.

cool, parents out there,please take note. its important !!

i love chicken little,so cute.
i love kerbie. the orange furry thingy that escaped from the spaceship and caused the whole commotion. ( but i wonder if i got the name right...lol)

the rating for the show, 4 outta 5 stars. ( wee wee )
high right?
becos i love cartoons, so abit biased here.

lol

but its nice and really funny.
really,you will love it.
but not for manly guys.
more for kids, parents and girls. ( they will go ga ga over chicken little )

oh yah, i also like ZATHURA,
though it was not my kind of movie.
hee
its super nice too, the effects are good.
you love JUMANJI ?
then you will love this show too.
i give it 4 outta 5 stars too.

er...all these ratings are just my personal comments.
my kind of movie may not be what suits you.

smile

btw, i am going to buy the soundtrack for the movie !!
i really like the songs in the movie, so cool !!

but darling scold me " siao " ! =(

urgh

dont know who was the one who bought me the MADACASGAR soundtrack.

hee =P

i dont care, i shall buy it as a christmas present for myself.

sob

had a wonderful time with darling.
so sweet.
love him to bits wor.

360 days togther. still counting on.

ps: my heart belongs to only you,my dear.
you are so precious to me.
dont break my heart.
looking forward to our first year anniversary.

' bad bad day

2005-12-07T17:35:00.000-08:00

time : 5.31 pm.

heading home soon.

meeting darling. going to a chinese phyisician first.
then going to jurong point to bring my nephew to watch " Chicken Little ".

finally, i watching it !!

yeah

heard its super nice.

i bet the rating must be super high from me.

lol

today's not a good day. it sucks.

shant say anything more. anywae, its soon going to be over.
just pray hard and cross my finger that nothing bad is going to happen more again later in the day.

urgh

i hate that bloody naggy old man.
yes.
hate him.

and i hate the BITCH !
act friendly !

yucks

shall continue again when i am home.........

i am dying soon.
help me ????

' more photos !!

2005-12-07T00:10:00.000-08:00

many many nice disney character's statue in the disneyland express. very nice.

even the handles are shape of MICKEY, cute arent they ??

the windows are also shape of mickey.

found the hidden mickey ?

twinkle bell. so cute ! i have found new disney characters that shall be added into my favourite disney character's list -- marie and twinkle bell.

' last post of the day

2005-12-06T23:58:00.000-08:00

er, cant manage to really post up all the photos from the hong kong trip, so i have put it up on my yahoo photo album, do feel free to look at them.

will try to put them up as soon as possible and try to post more too.

smile

but most of the disney photos are currently under "development", so be patient while i take time to scan them in.

gurantee that you will want to catch the next plane to hong kong after you see them.

lol

its really a beautiful place.

smile

dropped by at great world city to see darling.
finally,a successful attempt to.

haha

i really wanted to see him,so i went.
even if it was only for a few minutes, i am still contented. =)

yes, you've guessed it.

i really love him alot.
and i only wana be with him for the rest of my life.
:))

its like a routine that i am sure to read her profile whenever i log on to friendster,
she is pretty,i have to admit.
maybe just photogenic,i should say.
but still, comparing myself to her,
i am like a plain jane.
nothing stunning about me,nothing about me that will attract anyone.
i feel so inferior.

why cant i be born prettier ?
why must i have that typical chinese girl look ?

urgh

read her blog, well, i am so disgusted by what she wrote.
really.
its nothing wrong to be proud of something dear to her, but please.
dont go overboard.
and how i wish she can stop critising, its not as if hers is the best.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
people have different perception on the meaning of good-looking and ugly.

urgh

had quite a nice day.

sigh

only when i saw darling.

(^_^) v

' hong kong photos

2005-12-06T23:16:00.000-08:00

another important man in my life, my brother. one who treats me like his little princess. i love him !!! pre-holiday shot. at changi airport.

upon reaching hong kong international airport. oooh....excited !! two other important men of my life. my brother and my cute little nephew.

yeah, we are in hong kong !! tired but excited !!

pre-holiday shot. at home, with a struggling kid. urgh

' christmas

2005-12-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS

19 more days to CHRISTMAS.

still remembered how i celebrated my christmas last year. it was like only yesterday.
so soon, its going to be another year.
yeah, means i have known him for almost a year already.
a happy year with him by my side through all my ups and downs.

a year. it sounds long yet feels short.

many things happened throughout the whole year.

from SEVENS, we now became THE SIXTH SENSE.
cynthia was with us last christmas, this year, i doubt so she'll be with us.
misunderstanding drifted us apart, now to start afresh, its kinda hard.
its hard to be just as close as we used to be.
but it seems like she has found herself a bunch of good friends,
happy for her.

cyn, if you reading this, just to tell you, we will always be friends still.
i am still just a call away.

smile

esther got her first taste of love.
sweet yet bitter.
she's now in the junction.
confused to follow her heart or her mind.
all i can say is all up to her.

gal, whatever your decision is,just dont let yourself regret.
hurt and pain will go away,someday.
how long?
no one knows.
but trust me,someday it will fade.
its better to feel hurt than to feel regret.
your friends and family are the ones that will be by your side.always.
i am here for you,beloved.

smile

heng heng found her love.
happy for her that she has found such a great man.
lucky gal, hope they will kai hua jie guo wor.

smile

as for jieying, well, we've drifted apart.
i know she is trying to drown herself in pool of enjoyment,
but in her heart, i know she is really very hurt, confused and lost.
i feel sorry becos i cant do anything for her.
to tell you, i am also here for you okie?
after all,you are the baby of our sixth sense.

yvonne liaw, found her bear bear and prince charming.
so happy for her.
xin fu xiao nu ren.
well, there bound to be ups and downs during a relationship.
hope you guys can brave through the storms and see the rainbow at the end of the side.

yvonne goh, happiest girl among us.
still the same old happy-go-lucky girl.

haha

envy her carefree life.

shit you !

yes,soon a year is bout to end.

looking forward to a brand new year,
of course also an enjoyable and memorable christmas.

2005-12-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

back to school.

fuck

i am in deep shit now.

i was away from school for a week without MC,
considering what Mr Chan said to me,i figured that it's kinda serious,real serious!

shit shit shit shit shit shit !

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck !

aftermath of an enjoyable holiday trip to HONG KONG:

SPRAINED ANKLE(result of falling from a flight of stairs in the hotel on the last day),
MUSCLE ACHE (result of climbing up 200 steps of stairs at LANTAU ISLAND),
BLUE-BLACK (result from ghost's pinching? i have no idea),
BLISTERS on both my second toe on both feet (result from too much shopping?),
SORE THROAT,HIGH FEVER,RUNNING NOSE(result from bad weather,i guess),
PROBLEMS,TROUBLES !!

urgh

why cant i give up my block leave for the next stopover?
why cant they just take away my block leave instead?

i dont want to pay back the days for my absence,
its like,everyone is back to the lecture room,
and here i am alone still stuck with TEP.

FUCK

panick. i am super panick now.
what should i do ?

okie, relax.

*breathe in, breathe out*

at most i go fake some shit out of a chinese physician and hope my case will close in peace.
not too harsh.

i promise i fucking wont do it again.

this is so hard to bear.

had a fair share of enjoyment,but also had a fair share of shit.

urgh

my head hurts now.

but i supposed it cant be anything too bad.

pray hard.

sob

' i love hong kong !!

2005-12-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

yeah

i am back from HONG KONG !!

i love HONG KONG !

lol

didnt wana come back to singapore at all.

if it wasnt about school and HIM,
i guess i would have extended the trip longer,
like maybe for another 30 days ??

lol

i had a great time.
well, had some bad experiences too.

first, let's talk bout the "bad" experiences.
then you would appreciate the good stuff more lata on.

lol

got scolded for breaking some things at the LADIES STREET,
bloody hell, i was just looking at some stuff and someone behind me shouted me in canto that i broke their stuff.
shit.
i panicked. i was really shocked.
fuck lahz.
see i one person gong gong then want to take advantage of me.

hrmpz

but i paid in the end.

lol

my name is ROBERT !! ( un un ?? haha )

then, er....was the trip to CHINA.

went to CHINA, HU MEN on the 4th day.
tell you...
the people there are WOW,
the traffic there is WOW WOW WOW,
the toilets there is SUPER DUPER EEEEE.......

lol

people there are very er...how should i put it? maybe rough??
then er, the traffic there, i tell you is really scary.
like i will get knock down anytime. there is no traffic light, even there is, the cars cant be bothered.
people just dash across the road.

phew

lucky, i came back in a piece.

the toilets,gosh,i nearly puke at the sight of it.
i only used the hotel toilets,
so most of the time i gotta control my bloody bladder.

but the good thing about it is that the clothes there are so flithy cheap !
and seriously,they are the same as what you see in singapore.
really.
i got so tired of looking around and shopping.

lol

now, shall tell ya the good things.

went to DISNEYLAND.

gosh, i was so overwhelmed by all the disney characters.
it was beautiful.
really. i felt like i was back to my childhood days.
kept taking photos with the diney characters and everything there was nice.
especially the fireworks at night.
tell you, after you saw the fireworks there,
what is singapore's national day's fireworks?
its no longer a big deal.
the fireworks display was in front of the SLEEPING BEAUTY CASTLE,
imagine, the sky is dark, the castle is lighted up, playing theme songs from the disney's cartoon,
images of the cartoon scene flashed on the walls of the castle,
then the fireworks display.
tell you, it was romantic, it was beautiful.

oh, everything there was is the shape of a MICKEY,
not all, but at least most.

lol

the train to disneyland was so super cute lahz.
show you guys the photos.

lol

then what else??

oh, went to have a drink with my bro at LAN KWAI FONG,somewhere that is like our MS,
those kind of clubbing area.
there was lots of ang mohs.
had a bottle of henieken and a bloody mary.
the bloody mary is damn hot lah,
becos it was tomato juice with er...not sure what alcohol and tobassco sauce.
( i think i got some of the spelling wrong. lol )

then er, went shopping !!
oh gosh, i went crazy shopping and shopping.
but i bought nothing much.
there was too many people, got me kind of dizzy.
i went to MONG KOK,LADIES STREET and CAUSEWAY BAY.
bustling with people,pretty people during the weekends.
the people there dresses super nice and fashionable.
talking bout having fashion sense?
singapore gurls are way far behind them.
and i mean myself.
really.

then went to LANTAU ISLAND, the place where the big buddha was.
magnificent.
is the word i will use.

i saw him there.
a guy whom i like alot when i was in secondary school.
one who hurt me very much.
when i saw him, my heart skipped a beat.
somehow i felt the feel was back.
but i know its past and its totally impossible.
i love my dar dar more.

hehe

it was like so qiao to see him in hong kong when i dont even get to bump into him in singapore.
funny right ?
his reaction was so funny.
haha

well, nice bumping into him. =X

the trip was great,weather was great,food was great.
i kind of dont bear to be back in singapore.
but i really miss darling alot.
i thought of him every moment.

now that i am back, i wana hug him so tightly and not let him go.

=P

darling, i miss you so terribly there,
did you miss me?
hope you did.
heading towards the first " birthday " of our love.
looking forward to it.

love you and i really really do.

' darling

2005-11-29T00:44:00.000-08:00

i know you love me.

i really know it from the bottom of heart.
i can feel it too.

i am so sorry for doubting you and get angry over small matters.
i am so sorry for making both of us unhappy.
i am so sorry for everything i have done.

when you were questioned, i stood there without helping you.
when you were questioned, i just let you handle it yourself.
when you were questioned, my heart ache.
i almost burst out crying,but i held back my tears.
it was a small matter to you, i guess.
i didnt want to be too emo.
but i really am sorry for dragging you into trouble.

i am not a good girlfriend.

i am not understanding.
i am not caring enough.
i am not sweet enough.
i am not pretty.
i am short-tempered.
i get upset easily.
i always pick up a fight with you.

i wasnt a good girlfriend,
but you accepted me for who i am.
you tolerated all my flaws,
you were patient with me,
you still love me despite all the hurtful words i said.

at times, you have your freedom, your privacy,
but i am so selfish that i wanted every sec and every min of your time.
i was too possesive.

at times,you have your reason to do some things,
but i am not understanding at all.

why did you love me when i am not worthy at all for your love?

darling, i know you must be saying that my mind is going wild again,
no.
i am not thinking too much.
i am just so afraid of losing you.
i am just so afraid that all my tantrums will fade your love for me away.
i am so afraid you might like some other girls.

i am so afraid,just so afraid to lose you.....

i no longer be complete without you.
you are part of my life now.
i want you and i need you.
most importantly, i really love you with all my heart.

felix,

soon, we will be celebrating our first year anniversary.
( happy birthday to our LOVE !! )
these days with you have been the happiest days of my life.
though, there were the down side of it,
but i am glad we survived it through and still going strong.
maybe even stronger.
from strangers to friends to lovers,
i am glad i have chosen this path to be with you.
i have never regretted it and if i were to choose again,
you will still be the one i want to meet and fall in love with.
i always thought you are a gift from god.
so precious and so dear to me.
i will treasure you and never let you go.
if i do,i am the greatest fool in the whole galaxy.

remember our plans for future?
before you fulfil them for me, you are not going to anywhere.
remember you promised not to let me feel the pain of losing you?
please dont hurt me.
remember you said your responsibility is to make me feel xin fu?
it will be your life long responsibilty.

i may be a little dumb and slow at times,
i may be like a small kid at times,
i may be abit emo at times,
i maybe a bit jealous at times,

but trust me, i am trying , trying hard to learn to be your sweetest wife.

baby, you will always be the one i love most.
no matter what it takes, i want to be with you for the rest of my life.
this is a promise from me to you.

min love felix

13.12.2004

' bloody sunday

2005-11-27T23:57:00.000-08:00

yeah.

damn pissed off again.

why cant he bother to chat with me more before i leave?
why cant he bother to pay more attention to me before i leave?

just leave all your stuff when i am away, can you?
you have the whole bloody week to do whatever you want.
just focus on me, can you?

i dread to leave becos i know i will miss you terribly.
i thought you will feel the same, but now, i doubt so.

urgh

i am going mad.real mad.

i am going crazy.real crazy.

with all the thoughts swirling in my head, i wish someone could give me an answer.
an assurance.

that you are mine.

am i being over-possesive ?
i guess i am.

am i being unreasonable ?
i guess i am.

am i being too much ?
i guess i am.

am i thinking too much ?
i guess i am.

he's coming to school to accompany me tomorrow before i leave.
yeah.
should i look like i am happy?

i dont know.

somehow this relationship is going wrong somewhere.
i cant explain where or what.
just something.

let's go to bed and stop thinking.

i am having a bad headache now.

got a shock of my life today.
freaking fishy jumped outta the box.
fishy is so damn big.
i cried. i trembled.
you think i am timid?
maybe.
but if you were me,you'll cry too.

tomorrow's another day.
tuesday will be different.

*smile*

a get away trip. i love it !

2005-11-27T03:08:00.000-08:00

i couldnt believe you said the word END.

how can you said that without feeling hurt at all?
how can you said that like i dont matter at all to you?

is there anything wrong with what i said ?
i dont think so.

dont you think your work and friends are more important than me?

this isnt the first time that you stood me up becos of your work.
whenever you are with your friends, i dont hear anything from you.

i am sick and tired.

why cant you tell your supervisor that you already had an appointment?

okie, i am not being understanding here.
you have your reasons.
okie, i am being super harsh on my words.
i am sorry.

but i am really very disappointed.

i was looking forward to this day that we will enjoy ourselves.
in the end, i was stuck at home doing stuff that i hated most.
being the bloody fucking baby-sitter cum maid.

despite my sister's constant nagging,
i told myself, no, no matter what it takes, i want to see you.
you told me your evening is reserved for me.
in the end?

yeah, when hopes are higher, the disappointment really hurt more.

i know its my fault to piss you off and left you with no choice but to say end.
i am the one who forced you.
its my fault,all my bloody fucking hell fault.

if i didnt call you, is this really going to be an end ?
i guess so.
since i dont matter to you that much.

but since its over, let's just leave it aside.
i dont want to talk about it.

i just want to enjoy my days in somewhere else.

hope you will miss me during the days.

' sick again

2005-11-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

caught a flu.

on mc.
wee wee, 2 days neh.

lol

running a high temperature.

missing darling now.

someone passed me the damn virus.
shit.

i am sick !!!

meeting him tomorrow.
*smile*

i am so happy.
*rejoice*

but i cant hug him, if not, i will pass the damn virus to him.
i dont want him to be ill.

=(

' cedric

2005-11-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

CEDRIC !! he is so cool and handsome ! he's cute !

but pity him, died in such tragic way.

should let him be on screen longer. =P

BD

2005-11-21T16:39:00.000-08:00

me and sin ee. she looks like lee shan shan right? er...the hong kong actress.
amrath. model sia she. pretty, tall and slim. envy !!!

brenda. the cutie. the comedian. dont say she's malay, she's an indian, okie ? the trios.

2005-11-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

the BD team !! they are my tep pals. from bottom left : wan yen, amrath, brenda, sin ee and me !
trying to act cute gang.

lol

lovely people.

' monday blues

2005-11-21T16:11:00.000-08:00

weekend's over.

damn

i am suffering from monday's blues again.
yeah,again.

as usual,i am late for school again.

shit

wasted $ 16 on cabby fare.

urgh

forced to change the bloody blogskin.
because the bandwidth for the "pretty lil me" pic is full.
so i searched for a new clothing for my blog.

then

i saw this CHICKEN LITTLE skin.

haha

so what's the big deal of being childish once in a while?

okie, i know i am childish all the time, but so ?

a child at heart is happier than those who forces themselves to grow up,isn't it ?

brought packed lunch to school.
its so embarassing !
but still i ate it all up.

lol

on a tight budget lately.

oh my gosh.
i fell down.

shit

its so damn malu lah.
i fell while climding down the stairs.
i was carrying a chair and bloody hell, i couldnt see the steps,
so i fell.
with my knees on the ground.

ahhh

i could have dug a hole to hid my head like an ostrich.

sin ee was laughing damn hard lah.

shit her !

i laughed about it too, just to hide the embarassment.

sob

today, darling's going for his medical.
he's going to ns soon.

sigh

i will be lonely without him in future.
now, i shall treasure every moment with him.

dar,
i will wait for you and a good girl when you are in camp, okie?

waiting for school to end.

' friday

2005-11-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

haha

posted lots of pictures.
took lots of pictures.

i am really obessed about myself.
gosh.
going nuts.

friday.
last day of school for the week.

woooo....

wild wild weekend.

lol

i am not a party animal anyway.
so its goanna be another dumb boring weekend ahead.

sigh

today was a bad day.
terribly bad.

school's getting more and more boring.
and i am feeling lonelier and lonelier.
wish tep can be over as soon as it can.
i want my friends back.

the boss caught us sleeping and slacking in the room.
he's kind of pissed with us.
shit.
i think its all my fault.
i shouldnt have asked if he's coming in not.
i guess he was suspicious why i asked, so he decided to give us a surprise.
he came in at 5.15 pm.
we were caught off guard.
damnit.
i am so sorry to get my team mates into trouble.

sorry guys.

got the bloody sports event today.
heard it will be on every friday.
since its not compulsory, i've decided that next week i wont be attending it.
though, my all-time-favourite-eye-candy will be there,
but still sorry.
i am not going.

lol

thought of heading great world to give darling a surprise.
sat the mrt going towards marina bay.
on the train, i was still struggling if i should go or not.
after some struggle,
i've decided that i shall not go.
because i dont want to disturb him.
he might be busy.

as i was thinking,
suddenly a voice whispered,

" she came down to the shop to look for me "

gosh. am i petty or what ?!

she could just go in,sit in the shop and take picture.
me?
i dont even dare.
so what i am his girlfriend?
i am not even comparable to her.

haha

okie,stop it before darling is pissed with me again.
keep thinking of things that are already in the past.

but,deep in my heart, its hard for me to forget.
even i dont show,it will still be there.

i sat all the way to marina bay and decided to take the train back.
guess where i ended up?
going back to yio chu kang lah.
that train was heading towards jurong east, not boon lay.
fuck.
got down at orchard and decided to take 502.
but in the end, i took 174e.

haha

got home at 8 plus.
shit.

then me and him quarrel about something again.

pissed.

i am so pissed.

i dont want to talk about it again.
i wont joke about anything anymore.

urgh

what a fucking day.

' me and her

2005-11-18T00:31:00.000-08:00

me and little darling. she is so so cute and adorable ! simply loving her to bits !

she is almots dozing off when i took this picture.

lol

' my feet

2005-11-18T00:06:00.000-08:00

clean feet ???

no no no !! it stinks after a day in school ! *ewww*

lol

i am dying of boredom and i started snapping away with the digital camera.

lol

gosh

can anyone stop me ??? !!!

' night view

2005-11-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

haha. bo liao me, keep taking the digi cam to take tupid pictures.

took a photo of the night view from my window. nice? the night is alwaz so beautiful !

no wonder there are so many night cats around. party !
missing my baby right now !

2005-11-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

the night is so beautiful,especially with him. how i wish i can freeze that moment. *sigh*

darling and me ! stark contrast huh. *lolz* a dark and a fair. hmmm...he look so reluctant to take picture. *hrmpz*

=P

still i love him !

' toys r us

2005-11-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

nice mulan doll ?? it is so so so cute ! i love it so much ! gosh.

　

oohhh....this is the ad on the ceiling. barbie and the er.....my little pony ( i think so) girlie huhz...* lolz *

belle doll ! know what to buy me for christmas ? its this or the mulan. oops. i WAS just trying to hint you guys about it. *lolz*

darling looking at the toy cars. he wants the car !! like a little boy. *lolz*

POLLY POCKET !! wow, so different from what i used to play with. in the past, my polly dolls were so tiny, they got lost easily. now? its so big and you can actually change the clothes for them. cool huh....*lolz*

maybe when it comes to my daughter's time, it wont be pocket anymore. it will be POLLY HUMAN !! *lolz*

' movie

2005-11-17T23:26:00.000-08:00

HARRY POTTER is so NICE !!

especially with him by my side.

the show is of course still the very harry potter style.
the story,well,er....kind of not as exciting the previous ones.
there was no super exciting part.
and when harry has to fight with his enemy, voldemort, it was like so short.
just simple fighting scene.
they should make it more exciting and catches everyone's breath.
to build up that tension of ours.
but NO !

then that handsome cedric was killed. just like that.
without any struggle and all.
kinda like....i dont know,i feel he should like fight back a little before dying.

lol

hermione is so pretty but krum is so er....well, not really my kind,
so all i can say is i think he is not handsome at all.
if he is a girl magnet, he ought to be macho and handsome.
well, yah, he is macho..
but the face, C-M-I !!

over all, maybe 3.5 out of 5.
the effects are still of the same standard.
just that the movie is seem like they were trying to end it fast.
not much elaboration or much tension.
no climax at all.
like the champion thingy, the dragon part and the maze part,
they ought to create more tension but they got over it so soon.

=(

but still, i enjoyed the movie.

even though there was this fucker in front of me who is so tall that i couldnt see anything but his fucking big head and his girlfriend's.
fucking pissed off with that fucker !

lucky dar dar changed seats with me but poor him, have to sit up right to see clearly.

hrmp

today went for a photo shoot audition.
it was for a spa company. they were looking for new faces.
so went to take a look and play play.
it was my brother's friend's uncle's company.

lol

dar dar accompanied me becos he was kind of worried.

lol

he didnt know my brother was going too.
dar and my brother went to la kopi while waiting for me.
building the " family " bond ah them.

haha

after then, dar went back to school with me to get my stuff.
applied flexi leave, so i can leave at 3.
initially, i wanted to eat at FJ but dar said go marina.
was so pissed with him.

got some unhappy thingy during the walk to mrt.
but since its over,shant talk bout it.

first, we went to suntec city gai gai.
went find his colleague, the one i went to his house for er...hari raya one.
zul.
dar dar stayed there talk cock abit then we went to look for levis kids at level 3.
went up and we was like...WOW !
the bloody TOYS R US is so damn big !!

wooo...its like you know those kinda toys factory in those movies ?

lol

went to check out the levis kids store first,
then was like okie, nothing much.
we walked out and headed to our excitement - TOYS R US !!

we went in and i was so amazed.
is it that word to describe my feelings?
whatever lah.

it was so bloody big and the ceilings were bloody high with many kind of different ads.

we started to be like kids.

we started to play with toys and be back to the good old days.

after which, as we were very hungry, we decided to head to makan.

ate at the congress kopitiam at suntec city.
i ate laksa, he ate chicken rice.
then we exchanged.
then we exchanged back again.

dah

dar dar wanted to go see the WCG 2005, so we went to the 6th level.
there was alot of ang mohs and japanese guys.
kawaii !!

lol

saw them play cs, dar dar told me about his little past.
he told me bout him playing cs all the time in the past and neglected his ex.

haha

then i asked he like me more or his ex.
no definite answer.
he just said if he like his ex,he wont be with me.

wrong answer to the question.
no link.

whatever lah.
he like her more then fine.

i dont want to know.
some things are better to be unknown !

after that, we headed down marina for the movie.
there was so many kids lah.

haha

i am a kid too.

shhh.....

movie was great, after that we went across to esplande to take bus home.
the night view was beautiful.

decided to take A picture.
fuck.
i wanted more.
time to change my friendster's photos.
but nah.
he never liked to take photos.
opposite of me.
i am self-adoring.

haha

got dwn at his bus stop and then took cabby home.
becos super late and that old man is screaming again.

that was my happy happy day.

happy 340th day together.
loving you more and more.
going stronger and closer.
hope this will never end.

love you, baby !

' my hawaiian name

2005-11-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Ululani Kiele

What's" your Hawaiian Name?

fuck you. what a dumb hawaiian name. ulu siaz. *lolz*

this blogthing is fun !! did many many quizzes.

' my ideal relationship

2005-11-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.And that's marriage - with the right person.You're serious about settling down some time soon.Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

' quiz again and again and again

2005-11-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 40% Good and 60% BadSure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

' quiz again and again

2005-11-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtfulBut you also haven't stopped thinking of yourselfYou're the perfect blend of independent and caringYou're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

' quiz again

2005-11-17T11:31:00.001-08:00

You Are a Total Girlie Girl

You love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways.You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing.

How Girlie Are You?

' quiz

2005-11-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowingThat's because you're cool, funny, and laid backYou're smart enough to know how to be one of the guysBut flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?

' harry potter

2005-11-17T10:37:00.000-08:00

haha.envy me, you must envy me. know why?

i am catching HARRY POTTER AND THE GLOBET OF FIRE today !!

well, not that it is of anything great but something else.

darling surprise me by buying the tickets without telling me. i still thought we would be watching on sunday, but no ! i dont have to wait till then. all thanks to my baby. *muack* thank you !!

i love you so so so much !!

ps. i like the owl that Harry owns. it looks so cool and nice. i wish i have one too. =P

' chicken little

2005-11-17T10:15:00.000-08:00

isnt this little fellow adorable ?? oh my gosh. i must watch this movie !! i love the song that this ckicken always dance to - dragostea di tei. nice song. but i hate the chinese version, damn fucking dumb.

' sorry

2005-11-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

i seriously regret picking up his call.
its fucking 4 am in the morning when he woke me up.

damnit

i kind of regret giving him this number.
that day in friendster he messaged me and told me he need to look for me urgently.
so i gave him this number i am using temporarily.

little did i know that it spells the beginning of the nightmare.

to jason,

do you have a habit of waking someone in the middle of the night ?

do you think i am just like you? i am not a night owl.

i didnt expect you to turn into a monster that haunts me night after night.

jason,

if you are reading this, which i think you are,

please stop it !

i like who i like.

i dont need you to tell me what to do and who to like.

we are definitely not going to be together.

i dont need to be with a guy that is of my kind, so to be happy.

everyone have a dream guy or girl in their mind,

but seriously, how many are able to be with the kind of person they have in their mind?

felix is much better than what i expected from a boyfriend.

he is perfect. simply too perfect.

i have nothing more to ask for. i just wish i can be with him always.

we will be friends and always will be.

i appreciate your love for me. really.

i am not worthy for anyone to love me that much.

you deserve a better girl.

please stop abusing yourself.

you are beginning to be someone i dont know.

you are freaking me out, stop.

i want that jason i know back.

we will be friends. like we always be.

maybe we are just meant to be friends.

somewhere out there you will find your love,

just like i've found mine.

i hurted him very badly. i know he is bound to hate me. but i just hope he can get over it and find himself someone who loves him and he loves her in return. for me, my love cant be shared. my heart belongs to only him, and it will always be.

sorry jason.

' what a happy day

2005-11-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

bumped into her this morning on the train.
yapz.
i saw her first then she saw me.
then i pretended not to see her, when she was like trying to see am i who i am.
i didnt know how to react.
should i smile and say hi? or just pretend i couldnt recognise her?
so, i decided i just act as if i didnt see her.

oops

she's not someone i dont like. dont read too much into it.

duh

i just bumped into felix's colleague.
saw her a few times.
think she's pretty.

er....i am sorry if somehow you feel that i was rude in the morning.

hate squeezing in the train in the morning.
was late as usual.
wanted to take cab to school but insisted that i should save money, so i took the bloody packed train.

urgh

came to school and had nothing much to do.
so kept blogging and reading other's blog.
stalking people.

lolz

i am a sicko.

had lunch. well, not as pathetic as the days before.
yvonne liaw was the only one missing.

went for a tupid LKY seminar.
lasted for around 1/2 an hour.
boring.
almost fell asleep.
none of the stuff went into my head.

yawnz

itissorudeofotherstousewhatyouwereusingwhenyouwereawayand notreturningittoyouafteryoucamebackandactlikeitbelongtothem

itissososofuckingirritatingandannoying

going for field trip now. yeah.

meeting darling up soon.
want to hug him so tightly and never let him go.
just wish to tell him how much i miss him.

tomorrow,he's coming to school to have lunch with me.

yeah

i hate how i look. i wish i have long slender legs. i wish i am tall and slim. i look like a little girl when i am freaking 19 years old. soon i am 20 years old. i still get check when i am watching a fucking NC 16 show. i got darling laughing non-stop. people call me xiao mei.

urgh

HELLO !!! I AM 19 !!!

sigh

well, but i still think i am not that ugly after all. still look-able.
some things i cant change it, so i shall accept what i cant change.

jason called me up in the morning. freaking 4 am !! that was when i just managed to fall asleep.
he was drunk. dead drunk.
he went to his friend's birthday party.
to me, it sounds like he went to a booze party, he bastard !
he poured out his sorrows to me.
(like i was listening)
then he suddenly started crying.
he said he miss me alot and love me alot.
he said why am i so cruel,not giving him a chance.

then, i was wide awake.

i told him, i have always treated him as my older brother.
he dote on me just like my own brother, i feel very comfortable with him.
i know when i am with him,i feel safe and secure.
but there was never any chemistry between us.
if there was,we would be together long ago.

he said, felix is not my kind of guy.

i asked him what did he meant by that. what is my kind of guy?
love is just so funny.
yes,felix is not the kind of guy i think i would ever take a second look.
but it just happened that i feel something special for him and fell for him.

then jason asked,why he is not the one.
i kept silent.
there is no why.

fate decides who is the one you meet and be with.

jason,you are not the one.

' missing them

2005-11-16T02:34:00.000-08:00

many thoughts on my mind now.

been unable to sleep well lately.
thinking of them alot recently. why ?
i thought i got over it ?
i doubt so.

its 2: 34 am in the morning.
i am tired, my eyes are closing.
but my mind is clearly awake.

its been the forth year that they are not aound by my side to celebrate happy occasions like my birthday, chinese new year, christmas with me.
no, they are not there.

i miss them.

i really really do.

in the past when they were there with me, i took them for granted.
thinking that they will be with me till i grow old.
thinking that they will be there to care for me.
thinking that they will be there to guide me through.

but little did i know they will leave me so soon.

why ? why did he take them away from me ?
why ? why did they leave me if they say they love me ?
why ? why did they have to go if they say they worry most about me ?

liars.
you said she will survive.
you said he will get well soon.

i was so lost. i did not know what to do.
the pain in me is so great. it hurts. it still hurts after so many years.

you will never know how it feels to lose someone so so dear to you.
no one can replace their love for me.
i want them back !!!
tell me, tell me that i have fallen too deep into this nightmare.
all these not real.
i am just dreaming. please.

they havent seen my graduation.
they havent seen my wedding.
they havent seen my children, their grandchildren.
i havent gave them anything.
i havent gave then any luxury.
i havent let them enjoy life.

we havent seen the future together.

now, they can only live in my heart and in my memories.
only till when i move on to a new world, i will then re-unite with them.
how i wish the day come sooner.

i love them. and i hope they hear these words.

thinking back the past, i cant help but think of my ex-boyfriends.
some love so true and pure, some love turns into hatred, some love leave scars.
but no matter what, thanks for their love and care.
really want to thank them for being so sweet to me when they are with me.

maybe things just couldnt work out for us.
maybe we are just a stopover in each other's lives,
letting go maybe pain for us then, but now as we look back, it is still sweet memories after all.

*sigh*

but now, i am glad i've reached my final destination.
i've met my darling baby, FELIX CHEW.
he's my perfect hubby.
he is so sweet.
i am glad i've found him before other girls do.
*smile*

i love you,baby !!!

thankz for being part of my life. forever i will only be yours.

' family

2005-11-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

family dinner at home.
not exactly a family dinner,
just a simple dinner with my sis and her family, my brother and my aunt.
today's my aunt's birthday.

HAPPY 3X th BIRTHDAY TO AUNTY JEAN !!

woman's age is a secret !! shh.....
*lolz*

it is always nice to have your family with you,
they never fail to cheer you up when you frown.

i love this kind of family warmth.
it has been lost long ago but lately, i found it back again.

i love my life now. really do.
hope that it will never end.

brother is going to HONG KONG to take stock for his shop.
he's bringing his princess,me,along as his merchandiser.
( he calls me the princess of the family,which means i am a spoilt brat )
*lolz*
he says he believes in my taste, which i seriously doubt i have.
still a plan at the moment.
looking forward for it.
*smile*

' boredom

2005-11-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

time now says 5:18PM.
yes,42 minutes more and off i leave this boring place.
not that i love my home alot.
just that this place simply bore me out.
gosh.
we pratically had nothing to do,
well, we do have but the usual efficient us, we managed to clear all before lunch.
*lolz*
and after lunch is always the gaming, vcd watching, gossiping, hangman-ing sessions.
it can be a bliss yet not.
we are free to do whatever we want to, like going round looking for friends or making visits to the cheers, watching pirate-cum-lousy-effects VCD,
but seriously, the boredom is really killing everyone.

the boss of " GOLDEN DUST " is seriously very nice to us.
can tell that he really likes us alot.
he trust that we are responsible enough to handle all sort of shits and do whatever rubbish he ask us to do.
yes.
a good sign.
means more freedom.
*hee*
tomorrow's going on a field trip to PS to buy materials for our notice board.
was rather an excuse.
trying to find an excuse to shop,shop and shop !!
envy us?
you ought to.
we are really lucky to be in BD.
*smile*
this time round,we need not come back to YCK PALACE to sign out.
*yappie*
i can pick darling up tomorrow.
its been a long time since i last went to pick him up after his work.
my flexi leave for thursday is approved.
rejoice.
going out on thursday to meet darling.
*smile*
wanted to watch harry potter but most of the cinemas and tim slots are fully booked.
almost.
maybe watch it on sunday, i guess.
becos he's working morning shift, so we would be meeting for dinner in the evening.

lately been meeting darling quite frequently,
was initially afraid that we might drift apart since my school start but no,
we are going closer and stronger.
i just simply loving this feeling.
to love and to be loved.
i feel that we are so going to be able to go on long.
*smile*

lunch's so pathetic.
trios again.
esther,me and yvonne goh.
the sixth sense will soon become the forth sense.
sad.
really very sad.
if tep really drifts us apart, i wish that time will move on faster and bring them back to me.
i miss those days.

where are my loves ???

' great hair need

2005-11-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

the way to shining great hair. its good. really. life example of me. *lolz* my hair got better than before, straighter and shinier.

try it !

price at about $6 for a bottle like that. =)

' boos cologne

2005-11-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

BOOS cologne !! dont be cheadted, it reads BOOS, not BOSS ! *lolz*

kind-natured me and darling bought this from an indian who told us that he has no money to eat.

pity him.

but poor us who got cheated.
*sobz*

anyway, a good deed done, so why bother?

*lolz*

' sweet

2005-11-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

isnt he sweet ??

darling messaged me last night, some thing that really melts my heart.

the message goes as below,

although its oni 11 months.i have decided tt u r da gal i wanna marry. tis 11 months has been da happiest.enjoyed every sec being with u dear.muackz.

gosh.

i could have given him my whole heart !

yesh,i am so deeply in love with him.

i LOVE LOVE LOVE him....

how i wish i could be with him always !!

thanks darling for loving me.
i really am glad that i have finally found someone who love me so much.
*mwahz*

' happy 11th mth !

2005-11-13T23:48:00.000-08:00

happy 11th mth to darling !!

' we've survived through..

yes,we've managed to survive till the 11th mth.
*lolz*
now,i feel we are going on stronger and closer than we used to.
i love the feeling of having my family and him together.
the acceptance of him by my family is such a joy to me.
its just like the wedding bell is so near.
*lolz*
i love my life now.
really do.
just wish that my life will always be this way.
freeze this moment,can i?
*smile*

' went for dinner with him,his aunt and cousin and his mammy.

went to HANABI JAPANESE RESTAURANT at bukit timah to have dinner with his family.
its some buffet thingy.
$30 +++ for each.
think quite reasonable becos the food there is really quite fantastic.
tried the seasonal cuisine thingy, the fish liver and sea urchin.
FRESH !
is the word.
i only tried the fish liver.
i skipped the urchin.
the liver tasted like cheese. *lolz*
its really fresh,though i somehow dont really like the fishy taste.
sashimi !! *slurp*
also very very fresh and tasty.
then darling and i shared the soba, the cold noodles.
the serving very small lahz. *lolz*
the restaurant very crowded. super. full house.
then behind us got one table of three. they are the staff there, i guess.
they ate super alot. * pei fu *
me and darling was the weakest link. *lolz*
we stopped eating soon after a while. his aunt,cousin and mammy were still eating.
*lolz*
total bill was about $200 plus.
wow.
thanks to felix's aunt for the feast !!

thinking should i treat his mammy and aunt back not.
always eat good food with them,very paiseh neh.
but got no money to treat them to good food.
*think*

saturday, we went to my nephew's performance at his school.
oh my gosh, he's so so cute !!
my little darling could dance so so well.
*lolz*
so touched when i saw him dancing on stage.
it was just like yesterday when we first brought him back home from the hospital.
now, the little baby boy is dancing on the stage.
moreover, he was the main male lead dancer in the performance.
gosh.
i am old already.
*lolz*
i have the video of his dance, people who got my friendster or come across my friendster account, you may take a look at the video.
but please, do not share it !!
it is a private video. thanks.

darling's playing billard with his friends now.
*sigh*
thought he was tired ?
*shake head*
smack his pi pi the next time i see him.
*lolz*

gotta go to bed now.
*yawn*

' sad

2005-11-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

are we drifting apart or is it just me that is drifting away from them.

miss those days when we pon tutorials or lectures together,
miss those days when we go for k lunch during our breaks,
miss those days when we go town together,
miss those days when we bitch and gossip,
miss those days when we all sit together and have lunch at food junction.

when was the last time we all sat together to have lunch ?
when was the last time we all go town together ?
when was the last time we all catch a movie together ?

long ago.

*sigh*

lateyly i feel so like nothing to talk to them about.
i tink they also realised becos i always looked so bored, sad when we meet up.
maybe becos i dont understand what they were all talking about.
maybe i have nothing much to talk to them.
maybe i am just plain tired.

i have no idea.
got kinda upset at that thot
but nvm,
things will sure get better for us.
soon, we will be smiling like we used to.

i still love them loads.
they're my darlings and alwaz will be.

*mwahz*

' crazy crazy

2005-11-10T23:17:00.000-08:00

seriously, somehow i still feel that our problems are still hanging in the air.
but since the sun has shone again, shall forget all about it.
*smile*
we love each other still.

yesh, baby.
i love you and forever you are mine !!

ooh...talked about his ex yesterday.
*lolz*
it was ME that struck off that conversation.
hey hey, hard to imagine, right ?
*lolz*
think the sms conversation started with (as much as i can remember,i was alrdy half-dozing off),

ME : u r such a swit n gd bf. i bet ur exs must be regretting now.
DARLING : haha. only u think i am gd dear.
ME : realie ? how many times u patch n brk with ur ex? do u luv her ? were u sad when guys brk ?
DARLING : abit bahz. quite a few times.
ME : what happened ? why break ?
DARLING : no feelings le bah. but now i with u maz.
ME : then u got think of her aft the brk up ?
DARLING : sometimes. but now i am with u.

well, this is what i vaguely remembered. the main points are there. just that the way the sms were not written this way.
*lolz*

*sigh*
will me and him end up like him and his ex ?
i have no idea.
but i am afraid. very afraid.

once they were so loving yet feelings just fade off like that.
how fragile love and feelings can be.

seriously, i am jealous inside.
thoughts of what he said to his exs, what he and his exs went through together,
how loving once he and his exs were together,
it just flowed through my mind.
i tried not to think.
its all past and what matters is now that he is with me.
i tried hard and god knows i did.
i think that i'd should stop being jealous all the time and keep nagging him with all the nonsense,
instead i ought to treat him better, love him more to keep him by my side.
yeah. i am going to be a perfect dear.
dont stop me !!
*wonderz*
maybe i cant be that perfect but still hope i wont hurt him again or pissed him off.
*cross my little fingers*
=P

' had a busy busy morning

have to go for meeting lahz, have to send in daily report, gantt chart, ppt and minutes to the boss of " GOLDEN DUST "

*lolz*

you guys can never know what it is.
its the secrets of the BD.
*lolz*

had a wild and full of laughter field trip yesterday.
we did do our job properly and self-entertained ourselves throughout the whole journey.
brenda's a good comedian, man.
she made me laugh so hard at her jokes and crappy words.

some favourite lines said by the japanese rich tai tai, YOKO,

' my husband's 78 and we've got a 3 year old son....'
' my mother-in-law's 100 plus years old...'
' my son's called " ginko-nut " .... '

still have alot alot...
its damn funny lahz.

gosh.

we are the happy happy BD girls.
love them lotsa ~
*mwahz*